My Peek at the Curious Incident

I walk through Barnes & Nobles and located the book The Curious Incident of the Dog. I read through the first several chapters (all in prime numbers) of the book, but I didn't purchase it. I probably will but I am not prepared to lose my day today. Some of the protagonist's experience resonates with me, though others seem foreign. It does feel that the author is dramatizing the effects of Asperger's to the reader. I'm sure the experiences and mental processes of each person with AS are unique.

A commenter wrote on my post,

"Can't you invest time to learn about how humans express emotions and use that to understand how other people feel and pick up social cues? You'd never achieve the social sensitivity of somebody that is hardwired with that ability, but you might become good enough to improve the quality of your everyday life."

I have tried to better understand people, but the problem is that the best way to understand people is to interact with them. It's like a spiral or negative feedback loop: Without the interpersonal skills, people tend to avoid interacting with me, and, likewise, for me, socializing is unpleasant and drains my energy (whereas for other individuals, it actually is a source of energy). In high school, I picked up a book on reading body language, that greatly aided my ability to guess people's reaction. I picked up a book on etiquette, but it never quite addressed my concerns.

I sometimes look back at horror at all the various self-inflicted embarrassing events in my life, which occur on a regular basis, but gradually decreasing in frequency as I age and become more aware of myself. My social development is behind my mental development; there as countless examples, my skipping the prom or learning to drive at 25.

Some of my eccentricities:

• Just like the protagonist, I do think very mathematically (as when I apply complexity theory to the way to way I organized my room) and solve puzzles and play board games (chess, scrabble) on a regular basis. A couple years I played three games chess blindfolded for the first time at a party (to avoid socializing); I won all three games, one of which involved a gambit, a sophisticated tactic, and a checkmate no one saw coming. Earlier in the game, someone suggested that I could see through the blindfold, so I just turned my back towards the game to answer all doubts. People were afraid to play me after that surprising win; even, I was surprised at the outcome.
• Like the protagonist, I frequently find myself trying to piece together what people are thinking, because it doesn't come naturally. I believe that I do eventually understand people, but there is certainly a delay in my understanding that prevents me from instantly reacting in a proper way.
• When I talked, it feels as if the area in my mind associated with my thought process is disconnected from that associated with communication. My thoughts are always going through a filter. Even people who have heard me talk, have suggested that this was case. I was on vacation with my parents and siblings in May, and my father pointed out that I didn't start talking until around five-years old and he was concerned. (I probably spoke years before that, but my father, being a doctor, wasn't around much, and probably didn't help much to speak French in the US) I took about five years of speech therapy from first to fifth grade.
• I am pathologically mute. I never developed this reactive reflex to maintain a conversation with other peoples. It might be because, at one time, my speech was probably not very pleasing to listen to. I have difficulty conversing in groups, but one-on-one conversations are much easier, precisely because of the clear awkwardness that would result in my non-communication. I can't (or perhaps don't) defend myself against false accusations. Some of my "friends" at Microsoft would take advantage of this.
• I am not very emotional. I am not even sure if I can deal with emotions in a proper way. Sometimes, I feel that, when I am emotional, I become a spectacle to watch.

Comments

[Jeff Atwood]

Well, you communicate fine on your blog.

[Chris Hanson]

Wesner does indeed, but there's a big difference between typed communication - even in a weblog, email, or instant messaging - and a regular conversation.

For example, typing doesn't convey nuance well, so you have to do it through language. You have to actually invest effort to convey any nuance you want, and it's often easier to actually pick out when reading.

Even more importantly though, the pressure of spontaneity is removed. It's easier to figure out what someone else is saying - and what they mean by it - if you don't have to react to it immediately. Even the extra few seconds that you get when instant messaging can make a huge difference.

[Michael Teper]

Wesner, that's a very candid account and an interesting view into a different type of mind. I am curious, once you have developed your product, how much of promotion, sales and marketing (all activities that heavily favor good social skills) do you plan to take on yourself?

[David Brabant]

Wesner, I just stumbled on an article that might be interesting for you. In short, it says that abnormal processing of voice might be one of the factors underlying anomalies in autism and related diseases.

http://www.mapageweb.umontreal.ca/belinp/Publications_audition/Articles/Gervais_Belin_Nature_Neuroscience_2004.pdf

What's "fun" is that the "eccentricities" you describe are, according to my experience, quite common (to various degrees) among software developers.

Along the same line, I'm very skeptical about anything related to psychology in general, but I remember being intrigued by an article somewhere showing that most developers/engineers are INTJ/INTP on the Keirsey temperament test (I'm INTJ, by the way).

[Ron Green]

I am currently reading this book and the character does not have AS. He is Autistic.

[Alex]

If we're using AS to mean autism spectrum then having AS is being autistic.

[George]

You may find these interesting as well:

http://www.edge.org/3rd_culture/baron-cohen05/baron-cohen05_index.html

http://www.autismresearchcentre.com/research/project.asp?id=6